The Depth of Intimacy– Pure and Indescribable


Dale and me in our field

Intimacy. Hmm…

After 32 years of marriage, I still blush talking about it!  It is so private and sacred!

No expression of human communion is deeper than that of a husband and wife making love. It borders on supernatural in expression.  The sensory goes beyond flesh into spiritual depths that are indescribable.

It took me a while to fully understand this in my marriage. Intimacy on the indescribable level can only be attained through a complete surrender of your heart and mind. God intended it to be this way. A lot of people skip this part and think that the very act of making love will induce love. It doesn’t. It deepens it, yes…but only when you surrender your heart.

When I got married I had no idea what surrender meant. The only thing my mom told me before I got married about intimacy was this: Don’t ever deny him. So I didn’t.

Oh, Dale and I loved each other very much, and making love was good. For various reasons, though, I had a wall of protection around my emotions. But I was unaware of it.  And because I was unaware, I didn’t know I needed to get rid of it.

I was able to trust Dale (He had never done anything to cause me not to trust him).  Over time, the walls protecting my heart slowly started coming down.  One night, unbeknownst to him, I decided to surrender my whole heart.

Hint: You’re supposed to do that at the altar—some of us just didn’t know how!

Let me tell you what happened when I finally surrendered…

It had been a long day.  I had cooked dinner, washed dishes, bathed the kids, put a load of laundry in, and put the babies to bed. Dale had been busy working, so he didn’t know how tired I was.  The little ones were finally asleep, and I was exhausted.  I was about to collapse when he gave me that look. You know…the look.

I was too tired, but my mom’s words came to mind.

He started to kiss me. This time something switched in my mind.  I decided to not think of this as a duty, but, instead, I accepted his gestures as gestures of love toward me. Then I surrendered everything to him—every vulnerable part of my heart, mind and body.  I loved him wholly and completely—unabashedly.

For the first time ever, a floodgate opened.  The wall lifted.  My emotions left the natural and went into indescribable. I started to cry I was so overcome. (Which was a little embarrassing, because I never cried!)

We were one flesh, and it was beyond good. It was absolute abandon. Whew, that was a big deal for me!  If more husbands and wives could love with abandon and receive love with abandon, there would be a lot fewer problems in marriage. I’m talking to husbands, too!

It is the same with my spiritual life. When I love and trust God with all my heart, soul and mind, in a place of abandonment, I enter into His sanctuary and am so overcome with the union of His presence, it is indescribable.

The ecstasy of loving and receiving love with no reins, freed, uninhibited—this is God’s ideal of marriage. He is the author of romance you know!

Many people struggle with intimacy in their marriage.  I think Satan works overtime trying to destroy it.  If he can mess with the deepest and most passionate thing God intended for marriage, well, then he may just have a foothold to destroy the family unit.

Men need to know they are loved just as much as we do. Your man may have walls around his heart, too. We need to love our husbands with outrageous, abandoned love in our conversations, our actions, and in intimacy.

Sometimes we may not think he is deserving of our intimacy. Next time you think that, remember this verse in relation to him, “Love is patient, love is kind… It does not dishonor, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”  (1 Corinthians 13:4)

He may be undeserving.  Love and be intimate anyway.  Do unto him as you would have him do to you.  If you love and bless him even when he doesn’t deserve it, in time you will reap what you sow.

The Lord desires your marriage to be happy, full, pure and indescribable.

Ask Him to help you.


  • Latosha said:

    Thank you Sharon. As I read how you just shared some of the most intimate thoughts of your marriage, I thought of what I have with my own husband and how I desire to love and give more, as much as I can. What a lovely couple the two of you make and I enjoy reading your blogs and how you fondly speak/write about your entire family. You are a blessing in many ways and I want to again say thank you! (-:

    • Thank you Latosha! This was the hardest post I've written. Thank you for encouraging me, it helps to know it was worth it! May the Lord continue to bless you in great and mighty ways. Love and hugs, Sharon

  • Diane Marra said:

    thanks for your honesty and openness. just sent to my married sons and their wives. They are not Christians. I am from New Hope Church and follow your blog. Thanks for being the Godly woman and wife that you are and for allowing God to use your life to minister to others.

    • Thank you Diane! That means a lot to me. That's a great idea to send it to your married children. Love and hugs, Sharon

  • Kathy said:

    What a beautiful picture of what "real" intimacy and love should be. The depth, breath and width of intimacy takes a lifetime to experience. Trust and love are components that need to be added to have full surrender to your partner and experience unconditional love. Your words are healing to my heart as I need to let go of my expectations and fully surrender in love to my husband.

    • You are so right Kathy in saying it takes a lifetime to experience the complete depth and width of intimacy! And you are so right in saying that love and trust are needed for full surrender!
      God bless our marriages with abundant love and trust. IN Jesus' name amen. Love and hugs, Sharon

  • Charlotte Askew said:

    Sharon, I am sure you knew I would comment on this post.

    I am so overwhelmed by the way that you share your life as a loving, giving and sexual woman. You could never imagine how many women need to read, study and then act upon what you are saying. I salute you for sharing this. Too many marriages end due to their not being the abandoned intimacy in the marriage bed.

    When you are young and instructed as you were "do not turn him down", it builds barriers in our minds that are so hard to overcome. Or, as in my case, I had no mother to tell me anything. Everything I knew was learned from friends and you can imagine the total lack of knowledge concerning intimacy.

    I loved your description about the floodgates opening and the wall lifted. Your emotions left the natural and went into indescribable and then you started to cry from being so overcome. THAT my friend is true lovemaking and truely becoming one as God intended. This is the kind of intimacy that God created men and women to share. I cry everytime.

    My heart aches for all the women who never experience this feeling. I can speak from experience as my first marriage had no true intimacy. It was a duty, a chore with only one party gaining anything from it.

    Then God blessed me with a husband that receives his greatest satisfaction from making sure that I "leave the natural and enter into the indescribable". It is a blessing from God! It is as if He has blessed me twofold for the years that I felt no intimacy.

    My husband and I have been married for 30 years this year. He is 75 and I am 68. That should give you a lot to look forward to as our marriage bed is just as "fullfilling" as it was 30 years ago. Maybe not as often as it was 30 years ago, but, everytime we think it was better than the last. Love, deep unabashed love, devotion, compassion, caring, understanding, discovery....all combined together makes for the 2 becoming 1 intimacy being ignited.

    • Wow Charlotte, what a testimony of love. It is good for others to hear what you have experienced. There are many that need hope and you've given that. Thank you! Love and hugs, Sharon

  • Karla H. said:

    Thank you for this post! Your honesty has been truly helpful and encouraging!

  • Samantha said:

    Thank you for this post! Intimacy was not something that was ever discussed in my family -- even as I became a young woman and then entered into my own marriage. I was so unprepared for marital intimacy!

    Recently I recognized that I had walls around my heart that I never noticed before. We will have been married 5 years on Saturday, and last night the walls finally came down and it was exactly as you described.

    I just discovered your blog a few months ago and it has been such a blessing in my life. Reading your thoughts on God, marriage, raising children, health, etc is better than gold to me! Thank you again!

    • You are so welcome! Thank you so much for sharing this Samantha! It makes blogging worth it all! Love, Sharon

  • mellab musi said:

    thank you sharon please pray for me it is nine months we haven't had intimacy nor communication