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Love Potion

 

Dale and me standing in front of our first apartment, 30 years later.

A lot of women who read The Good Wife Recipe assumed that marriage had always come easy for me. It hasn’t always been easy.

My dad left our family when I was young, so I lacked the example of a godly marriage. Being the oldest child, I was very independent. Those two factors added together equaled a negative value in my tendencies toward marriage. My learning curve took years.

I loved my husband, but I didn’t respect all of his ideas. I had my own ideas of how things should be, and naturally, I thought I was right. Overall we had a good marriage, but it wasn’t what it should be until one day, after reading the Bible, God led me to make a decision that tamed my independent mind-set. I decided to submit to Dale’s role as the leader of our home and to respect his thoughts and opinions no matter how much I might disagree. Gulp.

Our marriage started changing after that day. When Dale would share what he thought the kids needed to do about school or church, my first impulse was to say, “Are you kidding? No way!”  Instead, I said nothing. I would bite my tongue, receive his words, and follow his leading. Amazingly, good things started to happen. Dale was making decisions that led us in the right direction! Why–because  he cares about the family. Dale doesn’t rule over us with an iron fist. He lovingly considers our needs, opinions, and dreams.

Since I yielded to my husband’s lead, I haven’t always agreed with his decisions. Nevertheless, I stood firm in my commitment and followed Dale anyway. The outcome has always been positive and a sure sign that God is leading him. I am honored to follow such a man of God.

Now I find myself in awe of my husband. He is everything I could ever dream of. It is my desire to be everything he dreams of too! If he wakes me up before the alarm with kisses, then I pray that God will give me the ability to be what he needs. I actually enjoy making his favorite meals, dressing the way he likes, and sharing the same interests and hobblies as he does.

Sometimes when Dale walks by me, my heart will skip a beat. You know what I mean? It’s like  love potion has been poured on me! We are two people in passionate love—now more than ever. When we honor our husbands in every way—at home, in public, and in our conversations with others—God pours out His passionate love, and we are swept away by it.

Make a conscious decision to honor and adore your husband. You will become the woman of your husband’s dreams, and he yours and the legacy will live on in your children’s marriages for generations to come.

Today I’m going to give away a book written by my dear friend Rachel Olsen and her pastor entitled, “My One Word.” It is an incredible book about making one word represent what you most hope God will do in you, and you focus on that for an entire year. This single act will reveal clarity and concentrate your Christ-like efforts. I love the book!  Along with the book I’m giving a $25 Outback gift certificate to one name drawn from the comments today.

What is the one thing you need to work on in your marriage? If you’re single what is the one thing you need to focus on this year?

I’ll pick the winner from the comments tomorrow morning at 10AM (Wed). I’ll post the winner at that time.

 

 

Comments

  1. Joanna Branson says:

    Picking one word to focus on for the coming year is a practice that I have used for several years now, and I am always amazed at how God meets me in the wildernesses of my life and breathes life into my word- doing so much more with the word than I ever think of doing on my own.

    This year, my husband asked if we could come up with “our” one word for the year. We decided on “create.” There are so many verses that have surfaced in our bible study already which offer constant re-assurance that God is faithful to create, and re-create, blessings and all good things in our lives, both individually and as a couple/family. God is good!

    • MJ Traford says:

      On Nov. 26th I received a miracle I was healed of clinical depression that I struggled with for over 16 years. My husband of almost 24 years has been long suffering throughout. I am now desiring to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I believe with all my heart he deserves a wife that he can truly love & cherish from his heart. I pray The Lord molds & shapes me into the woman, wife, mother, sister, & friend He’s called me to be. Thank you for your much needed encouragement?

      • Wow MJ healed!! Thank You Lord! He will give you the desires of your heart MJ. You will be the wife he deserves! I’m glad this devo helped you. Love, Sharon

    • Anonymous says:

      Thank you! God took me through several years with the different fruit of the spirit words giving me joy, peace, hope, love and then longsuffering. I remember God’s faithfulness in those years!

  2. Hilda Quintanilla says:

    One of the many things I need to work on in my marriage is to show my husband daily how much I appreciate and love him. Please pray for me Sharon. Tonight is not a good night for either one. We are sooooo tired in so many ways. Love you so much.

    • Hilda, I have prayed for you since you posted this. I’ve been so busy I hadn’t had time to respond but I have prayed. I love you very much, you do so much work in the kingdom of God and I pray God’s richest blessings over you and your husband.
      Sharon

      • Hilda Quintanilla says:

        Thank you so very Sharon!!! You are a tremendous blessing! I come to you once again asking if you would please include dad in your prayers this morning. He has an appointment at 3:30 PST with his oncologist to get blood work results. His currently inoperable hernia is causing him so much difficulty and pain. Doctors are putting off surgery at this moment to give his body time to heal from the 2 surgeries he recently had and all the chemo. It hurts me Sharon to see him in such discomfort. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for all these things. Pray for complete physical healing and restoration; wisdom for the doctors and loads of strength for our family and especially mom and dad. Love you so very much and think of you very often. Love U

  3. Heather C. says:

    What perfect words I needed to read, both here on your blog and on Proverbs 31. I need to pray about being less independent in my attitude and being more receptive to my husband’s perspective. I struggle with this daily, primarily in regards to child rearing :/ thank you for your much needed words of wisdom 🙂

  4. I need to work on opening up and letting my husband in. I’ve been carrying around hurts, anxieties and fears and in doing so have blocked his love (both my husband’s and God’s). I think God is trying to draw me back to him using my husband’s love. Now I need to be open to it and trust that God will take care of me and so will my husband.

  5. We recently made a big life change, only 1 year into our marriage- we moved to a new city….in China. We had lived there our first year of marriage, then moved to this new city for my husband’s job. The first months were terrible, as we ran into innumerable problems with our apartment, learning a new city, a broken air conditioner in 110 degree heat, but mostly my battle with bitterness and resentment over leaving our comfortable home to move to this new place. A little over month ago, I asked God to change my attitude, and slowly, he has been! The one thing I need to work on in our marriage is respect…Respecting my husband’s decisions and following through in respecting them (not being bitter if something happens as a result that doesn’t go “my way”).

    • You live in China?! Wow. You’ve had a lot of challenges! I’ll pray for you Erin that God will help you respect your husband and that you’ll be abundantly blessed. Love, sharon

  6. Tracey Beukes says:

    Hi there Sharon
    Your devotion really moved heart. I’ve been married for 23 years and have hit a “dead end” in my relationship. My husband is not openly affectionate and doesn’t compliment or say nice things often. So I find myself doing all the “contributing” to the relationship. I’ve stopped doing that now, and feel that I’m not “in love” with my husband anymore. Do you have any advice? I’m glad you have a good relationship with you husband. You make a nice couple. God bless your marriage and family.

    Love
    Tracey

    • Carolyn says:

      Thank you for the Good Wife devotion. I will keep trying and keep seeking God, that is where we can find peace and acceptance. Like Tracey, I have been married for 23 years and it has been a very rough time to stay positive. I just keep seeking God (praying and talking to him daily) and have been learning about keeping my focus on HIM instead of my problems. My husband is very hard core and it seems like his faith is more like a Sunday religion– to go to church and not seek any relationship with God. I want us to join a different church that focuses more on discipleship and being a servant, but we are not at the same place and lots of times we aren’t on the same page. I’m usually stuck in frustration mode, a people pleaser (just need to spend more quiet time with God). I struggle with being submission to my husband because I bend over backwards to please him and have done this for years, but love is not recipricated or at least not very often. My son has left for college and that has been rough, too — there just seems like lack of respect for both men in our family. I keep praying that my son would get a job and be more responsible — it’s tough having 2 kids in college (my daughter lives at home). It is so hard to be a good and acceptable wife and mother. I feel so lost and continually seek the Lord. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…and He will make straight your paths” Prov 3:6

      • Lord, give Carolyn the wisdom, the ability she needs and peace to be the wife and mother she needs to be. Lead her husband into a deeper relationship with You and make his heart softer and full of love. Bless this family with your peace and power. In Jesus’ name amen. Hugs, Sharon

    • Kathy says:

      Tracey, love is both a verb and a noun. Act like you are in love and one day your actions will then become true. Don’t expect anything from your husband but instead respect him for everything he does and tell him that you respect him daily! Lavish him with affection. Pray for him daily and ask God to be your comforter. Marriages get stale at times and they take work. Every time your husband does or says anything nice thank him. We have been married for almost 27 years and we have been through some really tough times but I am thrilled to say that I love my husband more today than when we got married.

    • Tracey, I’m sorry your marriage has been difficult. Kathy had really good advice. I don’t think I could have said it better myself. I pray the Lord strengthens you and gives you the ability to do what He is leading you to do. Lord, bless this marriage, help them both to fall in love again. In Jesus’ name amen

  7. Naomi says:

    I too need to learn to be a follower instead of thinking my ways are always the correct way to go. Thank you for the wonderful Proverbs 31 devotional and the chance to win.

  8. Dawn Siemens says:

    TRUST. I married my wonderful husband more than 28 years ago. Others would tell us how they admired our marriage of good communication and love for one another. I love him with all my heart and he loves me very much. But one discovery a few years back rocked my world! I realized that we are all human including my husband. Grace put me right back into his arms and forgiveness came! Since this time our relationship has grown through this difficult time. Yet.. often worrisome ideas pop into my head and I find myself wondering…. so I continue to ask God for trust!

  9. The one thing I have to work on in my marriage is respecting my husbands leadership role. I believe what you said about biting my tongue and allowing him to lead will enhance my marriage. We have been married 7 years and I know this has been extremely difficult for me to do. Thank you for sharing your testimony and encouragement. I am excited to get started and allow God to handle the rest. Great expectation.

  10. Hi Sharon! I’m so blessed to have found your blog through Proverbs 31! Your writing for us through that, was so encouraging today! If I had to choose one thing that I need to work on in my marriage, it would be communication. My husband is away in Saudi for 2 years (thankfully, he has already fulfilled 9 months of that), but we’ve seen positives come during this time. It’s so hard being separated, but we have communicated more in the past months, than we have in years. We want this to continue, & are committed to much growth in this area. Please pray for our marriage during this time apart. He’s trying to come back to the USA to work by June, & we’re asking the Lord to honor that desire.

  11. Kindness. I want to be kind.
    I pray for spirtual Duct tape daily, to keep piehole closed. I know this is pivotal…dont say what you feel! And stop fooling myself its a beatitude (be attitude ) .

  12. Staci says:

    The Good Wife Recipe…thank you! You have made me realize how unbalanced some of my ingredients are. I now know where to start working in my own marriage. Every woman needs to have this. Thank you again!

  13. Katie B says:

    I like you need to learn to respect my husbands decisions and not be so quick to dismiss or disagree with them. I too am an independent women who has just recently come to christ and learning day day by day what the lord has in store for me.

  14. Kristen Cook says:

    I need to work on pleasing my husband more in the area of my own walk with the Lord, which will impact all the other areas of our marriage. He always tells me that what he wants most from me is to spend time with God diligently and consistently.

  15. I just recently started reading the Proverbs 31 devos & I’m so glad I stumbled upon them! I’m in my late 40’s & just went back to work after 20 years off to raise our 3 sons. I really needed today’s word from Sharon – thanks for sharing the importance of using the right ingredients!!!

  16. Linda U says:

    My one word will be teachable…….I am asking God to give me a teachable spirit…..there is so much I need to learn and I know that when I ask according to His will, He will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ…..so thank you for this timely word for me……so glad I found your site and what I am learning……. 🙂

  17. Heather G says:

    My husband and I are “new” Christians having just found The Lord about a year and a half ago. I have seen our marriage change during this time. I pray to be quick to listen and slow to speak. I also pray to submit to my husband, and allow him to be the spiritual leader of our family.

  18. Stacey C says:

    Without a doubt my word is forgiveness. After 19 years of marriage that always came easy for us, I’m now struggling to work through some difficult times with him. It has been a real challenge, but if we do the things God wants us to do in marriage, I believe our bond in marriage can end up being even stronger. I see areas that I can improve and I’m making those changes and he sees his own areas to improve. Our communication has already been getting better and more loving. To forgive is not at all easy, but it is necessary because God forgives us. Thanks for this blog today and all days!

  19. Karen G. says:

    Our marriage is totally a struggle and not one I want our children to learn from. Two widowed adults coming together with much pain, a lot of past hurt and 4 children; I guess we thought it would be much easier.
    We carry much “old baggage” and fall unknowingly into the comparison trap. Our marriage needs a complete overhaul as it is exhausting and adversarial most of the time. Honestly most of the angst comes from trying to parent children who resent the marriage and it has been the great divide. Please pray for us as I am hurt, angry, without much hope and the mountain top looks so high. Not sure where to start.
    Thank you for a great recipe now all I need God to do is step in and help me get started because left to my own desires and efforts right now it seems impossible.
    Blessings,
    Karen G.

  20. Colleen G. says:

    Beautiful post & picture of the two of you.
    Heard about this book and that it is a great one.
    The word I picked for this year is focus. Focus totally, and everything on the Lord.
    In this busy world it is easy for me to get distracted but I want all focus on Him, all the time.
    -Colleen G.

  21. April says:

    Such a great post and i am so excited to find your blog! There are so many things I could work on to be a better wife, with three children under the age of 4, I often lack “passion” and focus with my husband! Thank you for the reminder today of how important it is to strive to be the good wife.
    I am so excited about you recipes too!
    Thanks so much!

  22. Trying to give my husband the reigns. I would love to be the submssive wife but it is hard some times

  23. Cathy says:

    I love your post about respect. I need to work on having more patience with my husband. I know that will only come from The Lord. I would love a copy of this book! I have used a word instead of resolutions for a year now. It would be a great read.

  24. My word would be encourager. My husband and I have just celebrated 32 years and I love him dearly. He is a wonderful man of God but has had many health issues and we have had many struggles esp this last year. I would like to be more of an encourager and supporter and have the Holy Spirit whisper ways to me to support my husband in this new year. Sometimes because of the amount of struggles and the length of time this has involved I grow tired and weary. My prayers is to encourage and lift him up and be a loving example of God’s love to him and a true blessing that helps him each day and a loving example to our children in their marriages.

  25. Michele M says:

    Thank you for this article. My husband and I are youth pastors w 4 young kids and our life is very busy and our marriage is a continual work.
    Thanks again.

  26. Krista says:

    Im so glad I found your blog! What a blessing…I need to work on being purposeful and respectful. I love it when you said you have 5 girls and would look for those extra moments to spend together. We have 4 young girls so I know I just need to be more purposeful in planning more time together with my husband, as a family and with God. And I need to let my husband lead and be respectful…that was what i needed to hear. Thank you for this devotion. God always knows what I need to hear!

  27. I, too, came from a broken home and was the eldest child, so I understand where you are coming from. I have also experienced the same problems as you in raising our 6 children. One of the many things I need to work on in our marriage is respect. I have often heard that is the one thing our husbands desire the most.

  28. Thanks for your post Sharon! I want a great marriage and my word would be “intentional”. I find that it is very hard to give my husband the reigns but your post made me re-think this! I will be intentional about this! …and pray alot! : )

  29. So very hard to do when your husband no longer loves you . . .

  30. Jonatha says:

    I am completely on love with my husband! Marriage is a huge gift, and I cherish ours. I do need to make more of an effort during those tired times. We also have 5 daughters, so I look forward to reading more of your posts! We do everything together as well 🙂 I’d be grateful to win, and thank you!

  31. Tonya says:

    I really need to “fall in love” with my husband. I married him a year after I lost a husband to cancer. I think he was just a bandage for my wound. I do love him but I have never had the love I think a woman should have for a husband. I have been praying for God to give me this love but so far I’m not feeling it. I really think there is a part of me that feels I’m doing my late husband wrong by loving this man.

  32. Amanda says:

    Your writing above really spoke to me. I’m definitely very independent, that is even a part of what drew my husband to me when we were dating. He respected me for being a strong and capable woman… but in all honesty, it does cause conflict in our marriage. I do respect him and honor him, but not as fully as I am capable. I just don’t want to wind up feeling like I’ve lost myself or changed the core of who I am, so I cling to my independent nature – selfishly I know.

    I’m not sure what word God would want me to focus on right now. Humility, maybe? Selflessness? Both are qualities that I could use more of! Thanks for the chance to win – I’ve heard awesome things about the book!

  33. Michelle says:

    It was so encouraging to read today that a marriage can grow even more passionate over the years. I want that love potion poured over my marriage too. I’m working on communication and finding ways to better meet his needs. Pray that my husband becomes a Christian.

  34. Cindt says:

    My husband and I have been married 31 years. I started reading My One Word this year and shared it with him. We picked the word maturity. You’d think at our stage of life maturity would be a no-brainer but there are still things we need to work on. My son is getting married this summer and I am going to give them a copy of the book. A good way to start a marriage off!

  35. Marcia says:

    My word would have to be intimacy – – I praying for God to rekindle the intimacy we once had with one another.

  36. To be tespectful ALWAYS.

  37. Christina says:

    Sharon,
    Thanks so much for posting this, this is exactly what I needed this morning. You made me realize that there are lots of things that I can work on in my marriage. The one I am going to work on the most is prayer! I am so quick to pray for things in need like friends going through hard times, work, and our family as a whole, but the one thing I do not pray for very often is just my husband and the things he’s going through or needs. Wow! What a huge piece to the puzzle that may have been missing in our marriage. Thanks so much for sharing! Looking forward to reading more!
    ~Christina

  38. Laura says:

    I struggle with respect.. My husband is not at all like my father, who was a loving gentle man. I need your prayers to show my husband respect during the tough times. We have both brought pain from failed marriages. Thank you for your insights and God bless you

  39. Michele says:

    My one word would be submission. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and we have 1 together. I was a single mom for 7 years before my husband and I married and had our youngest. These years of being a single mom and having to be both mom and dad caused me to be very independent. While I had no choice at that time, I am now finding it extremely hard to be submissive to him because it is just not in my nature anymore. I want to be submissive and I try so hard, but then life happens, stress happens, and my mouth opens up before I have time to bite my tongue. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

  40. I am blessed beyond measure to be married to a wonderful man who practices true love every day. We have a great marriage. As I read your devotion this morning I realized that I could be doing so much more to sweeten our marriage. Thank you for the words of wisdom that have opened my eyes to do more to make our marriage that much better!

  41. Kim M. says:

    I find my marriage to be a struggle most days. My husband and I are both very strong willed and that leads us into many battles. I do not feel respected so it is hard to then respect him in kind…..your post was very insightful…to love and then love some more without expecting anything in return…no expectations….I think that is my problem, I have high expectations that never get met….I will work on the recipe and with lots of prayer….let God start to work in my marriage. I do want my children to see what a good marriage is and I don’t feel like we show them that at this moment. This was a good wake up call. Thank you! I’m glad to hear your marriage is so strong. It is nice to hear about successful marriages when bad marriages are what make the headlines.

  42. Tracey says:

    My husband is very good to me and our family. One of the areas I need to work on is showing my appreciation to him for that! I am not sure why- to other people I can say what a great man he is…helps around the house, supports his family, works hard, protects us- but then I fall short of honoring him face to face.

  43. Angie Miller says:

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T
    to one another. My husband is a non believer and I am working on the balance of trying to be a Godly wife and a good wife. Hard, but a work in progress.
    Thanks for sharing – gave me some insight this morning!! : )

  44. Laura says:

    God bless your ministry

  45. Michele says:

    I pray that I can get over my fear of emotional intimacy.

  46. Sharon, thank you for the encouraging article (and gluten-free cookie recipes, too!). I just retired last week so this is a very important time of transition and change. My husband is still working in a high stress job, so I need to keep my priorities straight and focus on being there to support him first, not on what I want to do. So my word is “prioritize”. God first, my husband second, everything else after that.

  47. Patience….I buried my 47 year old baby brother after his unexpected death and have been in the process of letting my own babies leave for college,two in a row and the last one leaves this year. I have also been turning over a youth ministry to new leaders. All this painful loss has turned a focus on our marriage as we search together for the Lords plan for us in the future. So patience to wait upon The Lord for new work in his name together.

  48. Jennifer says:

    I’ve been working on letting go of my controlling nature.

  49. I am not surewhy it surprises me how God’s timing is perfect. I did not think I struggled with honoring my husband as we are directed in Gods word. My every thought is if him and our family and having God in the center. But with years of struggle in our marriage due to very difficult chidhood that causes him to have horrific nightmares everynight it takes its toll. He left for a fewdays to get some space, but the baggage still remains. My heart breaks for him and what the unresolved baggage has robbed from us. God will prevail. I pray for all who struggle with unresolved issues. TRUST is my word. Trust unconditionally in the Lord. He is were our strength comes from. This will be an interesting year. God bless everyone.

  50. Carrie says:

    I am married to an unbeliever but I know what Gods word says about my role as a wife, no matter what my husband believes. We have two older children and two toddlers and home life is pretty crazy these days so I don’t always take the time to give him the attention he needs. I know he desires one-on-one time with me. He loves his woman and I need to make more of an effort to have dates and alone time with my husband. Thank you for your article, it is very encouraging!

  51. P.S. For those of you who have posted how wonderful your husbands are, please recognize how lucky you are. Honor your man as God commnds because he is a gift from God. Having your man cherish you is NOT to be taken for granted.

  52. Brooke says:

    My One Word would be “peace”. I want to stop sweating the small stuff, not only in my marriage but in everything! Only God can help me de-stress the way I need to.
    Thank you for your devotion today at Proverbs 31 – great reminder 🙂
    -Brooke

  53. Clare says:

    God gave me the word “relinquish.” I am a strong-minded woman who is now remarried after being a widow for 9 years. I came barreling into my new marriage with many expectations that were birthed not in a heart of gratitude and love but in the sin of entitlement. Thank you for this sweet reminder that my marriage starts with Christ in me, not squeezing Christ out of my husband! I need to relinquish my agenda and focus on what the Lord wants of me, both in relationship to Him and to my husband. I’m writing this word on a 3×5 and putting it on my counter!

  54. shannon says:

    I need to work on Trust and breaking down the walls around my heart

  55. Respect is my one word that I truly need to wok on. I need to respect his decision making and follow through with respect . I need to humble myself before God and my husband.

  56. Jennie says:

    These last few months God has been speaking to me about respect. I didn’t realize how unrespectful I was to my husband. I recently started reading The Excellent Wife and The Momentary Marriage am learning, what God desires for us as wives. I grew up in a family where my mom “wore the pants”. I have started being more respectful and our marriage has improved and my husband is drawing nearer to God.

  57. Debbie says:

    Sharon, thank you so much for recipe for a good wife. God’s timing is always perfect. Yesterday in my counselor’s office, through some painful conversations, we came to the conclusion that I needed to stop trying to fix my husband and to release him to God. It would mean at this point me leaving him for him to hit rock bottom. We have been on a destructive roller coaster for years. Through so much hurt and mistrust, at this moment I have stopped putting any ingredients into my marriage. Deep down inside I know we love each other it’s just buried under all the hurt. Through your devotional this morning, after I had given up all hope, and since I know God hates divorce, I feel like God was telling me add respect, communication, intimacy, serving, time and pray back into your marriage and trust that I will do the rest. Please pray for me to show unconditional love with no expectations in return. I’m leaning on God for his strength. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God Bless You

  58. Lexie says:

    I know that one of my big issues is that I need to be more physically touching to my husband. My father was not affectionate, and he adored me! So I don’t equate physical touch with love, but my husband does. And even though it is hard for me, I know that I need to change. I adore and love my husband so much, I want my physical touch to match that and most importantly I want to meet that need for him.

  59. I loved your devotional for today, really hits home! It can be applied to marriage, family, and friends. “Listen not only with your ears but with your heart.”, now that’s something I can really focus on. Thanks!

  60. vida ursic says:

    I would like to enter for the drawing; I am a new subscriber to your site; I enjoyed your article re: respect. Married 36 years; unequal as I became a believer 4 years after we married; my husband has been reading the Bible after he was diagnosed 2 years ago w/prostrate cancer; he is now CA free; our marriage has grown leaps and bounds (whatever that means..teehee) but I have learned thru the Word “respect” even trumps love for w/out it; its just surface duty.
    thank you for writing and encouraging us what this can look like in a marriage.

  61. Marla says:

    I need to work on praying for my husband and wanting him to ask/want God to change him, not feeling like it’s MY job to change him!

  62. Marchelle Smith says:

    Today’s post was just what I needed. I have learned to forgive and to honor my husband. I have always been in control in my house until the Lord showed me that if I would just humble myself and learn to follow my husband then he would be the leader. My husband would always tell me that I never listened to him and i always thought I was until the Lord showed me that I was not and that I needed to change. I am still a work in progress and I am learning to really listen to him with my heart and to go along with him even when I don’t agree. Learning to love my husband unconditional has been a good thing. I always thought I did love him that way but I learned I did not when he did something that hurt, disappointed or upset me then I would say things that where not good, but I have learned that in learning to forgive i let go of all hurt and disappointments and I focus on God and let Him lead me to see my husband through His eyes not mines.

  63. Crystal says:

    My goal for my marriage is to always allow my husband to lead

  64. Faith. To have more faith during the good times as well as the bad. I tend to think ‘when is it going to go bad’ when God is sending blessings my way.

  65. Joyce Forrester says:

    If I had one wish I would wish for a happy marriage, full of love, understanding, and equal consideration. I have this with God and praying that he will show a way for my husband and I to continue. We aren’t talking or communicating anymore. Pray for us

  66. Kathy says:

    What a wonderful message – thank you

  67. Maria Fatica says:

    Thank you for this! I have been married a little over 3 months but we have been together 5 years and have a 3 year old together. I want to work on being not so critical on myself and my husband. I am my own worst critic and a worrier. I am working on it with prayer and Faith.

  68. Julie says:

    Your post hit home on so many levels. There are lots of areas and words I could focus upon to make my marriage better but the first that popped into my brain was respect. I was raised in a home where abuse was prevalent so I learned to be very independent. We have been married for 25 years and it is only God’s grace that we keep going.
    It is a daily struggle but your post was very encouraging.

  69. Linda says:

    I really connected with your subject matter in today’s Proverbs 31 blog, and was glad I hopped on over here to see what more you had to say! I am excited to see how God moves in our marriage as I make sure to include ALL the necessary ingredients for my Good Wife Recipe!

  70. Teresa says:

    I need to work on intimacy. I let my life get way too busy and am so tired at the end of the day. Making time to show him how much I love him in that very special way is so important yet I find myself wanting to rest. That is one area that I really need to work on.

  71. Denise says:

    I need to work on not trying to change my husband and trusting that God made him perfect just the way he is. I am controlling by nature and always want to manage everything but I need to learn to let go and allow him to do things.

  72. Brigitte says:

    Dear Sharon, thank you for your amazing devotional, and for women who do have loving husbands, it’s excellent advice. I don’t have a loving husband. I have struggled in my marriage for 22-1/2 years with an arrogant, driven, lustful, insensitive youth minister. I have tried everything on your list in the past, and all it does is fuel him more in ministry. He married only to have his needs met for the purpose of focusing on ministry. I am empty and have nothing left to give. I have cried out for The Lord to change my attitude and fill me with love for my husband since day 4, and I’m still waiting for my prayers to be answered. How can I possibly fulfil God’s requirements of me as a wife when I don’t like or respect my husband? What will motivate me to get out of bed when my kids leave home? The guilt and emptiness are killing me.

  73. Debbie says:

    Ths is exactly what Ineeded today. Thank you

  74. There are many areas that need tweeking to be sure. The area I will focus on first is prayer. I need to spend time in puposeful prayer over my husband.

  75. Wow, Sharon! Thank you for your post today. Hit me straight in the gut. I would say my one word would be “pray.” That’s the part I was most convicted by in your post. I’m ashamed to admit I don’t pray nearly enough for my husband, for my marriage. I just keep thinking things will improve by determination. That’s a sinful thought, I know. I appreciate you being open with your readers and letting us learn from what you’ve already walked through. God bless you!

  76. shana heagle says:

    Encouragement, I need to be more positive and encouraging especially in public. I kid a lot.

  77. The thing my husband and I need to work on most is time just for him and I…to go on dates and scraping money together to go away for a night together since we have only spent one nght away in our whole marriage. We are both so exhausted by the time we get our little’s to bed that neither of us want to do anything but sleep or sit and not do anything. 🙂 We got married almost 7 years ago and 2 weeks after getting married my step daughter gave birth to our granddaughter and it wasn’t long before we began raising her and her brother who is 14 months older than her. So anyways time alone is what we need.

  78. Sabrina says:

    It seems like your message was so meant for me. Right now my husband and I just arent seeing eye to eye on things. And I didn’t realize after reading your article how much I’m missing out on. I’ve always thought I was a good wife to my husband but I guess there are things that I’m not doing as a wife to make things right between us both. I’m so guilty of making all the decisions and when he has a opinion about something I always shoot it down. But thank you so much for sharing this message and helping us all to understand what we as women need to do to make our marriages better. I am definately going to start working on what I need to do to be a better wife to my husband. thank you thank you thank for your blog!!!!

  79. Jennifer E. says:

    The main thing I need to work on in my marriage is respect. I am strong-minded (or stubborn, if you are being less flattering), and tend to believe I know the right thing to do in most situations. Also, my husband tends to defer to my opinion in most cases. Put together, our respective traits make it hard for me to let go and follow his lead. I am trying to be less vocal about my opinions, and stop to ask him what he thinks before I jump to any conclusion on my own. Over time, hopefully my husband will be confident in speaking his thoughts and I will get better at giving him control over the direction of our marriage.

  80. Kathy Willis says:

    Thank you for a great devotional this morning. It’s amazing to me how God always knows what we need! I was diagnosed with breast cancer in May of last year. My husband has really stepped up to the plate…but sometimes it is difficult for me to let him take charge. This has opened my eyes.

  81. Tetesa Kuhl says:

    My husband and I are middle-aged newlyweds. We are committed to developing great habits as a foundation for our marriage. We do daily devotions and pray together at the start and end of each day. I want to work on continuing these routines throughout our marriage.

  82. Sorry, I don’t find this helpful at all. It works BOTH ways. This reminds me of “The Stepford Wives” or something alien. MUTUAL respect and love, honor and faithfulness. There are women who read this and are being abused and then think: “Okay, I’m to stay in this relationship no matter how I get treated because I’m supposed to submit.” THAT is totally wrong. Submitting does not = DOMINEERING or ABUSIVE behavior! “The Good Wife” isn’t so good a devotion today.
    Just the way I see it.

  83. Stacey T. says:

    Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship but it is nice to stop and think of one thing that we can work on. Our family is very close but we have that one strong willed child that seems to divide us sometimes. My husband and I can definitely work on being godly parents that pray, work and communicate together so we can better deal with our strong willed child. I personally need to spend more time in God’s word and in prayer and I know that when I am lacking in these areas is when Satan attacks my family.

  84. Diane Fetter says:

    Even after 42 years of marriage, I am glad to read these encouraging words to remind me, I have many areas I still need to work on. Thanks for your message today. I also saw your blog on GMO’s found this very interesting. This is first time on your blog, I’m going to sign up to get your updates.

  85. Deborah says:

    Respect would have to be my key word and desperately needed in my marriage. I know God has been speaking this to me for weeks and yet I’m still desperately struggling to find that place of surrender. I love my husband and he loves me – but we are in a terrible place. I would love the book.

  86. I want to thank you for the message this morning! I really needed it and got excited reading how in love and passionate your marriage is. Just two days ago we found out about some friends that are divorcing. It was a shock as we didn’t know there was a problem? It shook us to the core and helped us to re-evaluate our marriage and realize that we need to show appreciation and respect more than we currently do! We love each other but we have forgotten to show it. It’s easy to get caught up in the struggles of life with unsatisfactory jobs, parenting issues, and then pouring on friends problems. All of it seems to overshadow Gods blessings in our lives which are many. Anyway, thank you for helping me to see my selfishness so that I can better show my love, respect, and appreciation to my husband!!!!

  87. Hannah says:

    I need to work on humbling myself in order to better serve my fiance. I want to make everything about me, instead of realizing that God wants me to think of others, especially Eirk, abover myself always. Some days I can get so caught up in what I want, what I need, what I wish he would do… and I realize that each of those negative comments is taking away precious time for me to be serving this amazing man and getting to build him up! I know I still have so much to learn, but know that God is softening my heart to this everyday- I have already seen Him slowly changing me for the better! As we go into our marriage next month, I want to start off our amazing adventure together on the right foundation of God’s truth and wisdom!

  88. I believe my husband needs words of encouragement and affirmation. I fall short in this area! Praying the Lord will open my heart and my mouth.

  89. Sabine says:

    I don’t know what it was that made me stop today and read your Proverbs 31 article. I so often think I don’t have the time to read this and move on to the next thing. I’m currently in the midst of a divorce. I know it seems strange to try to read about strengthening your marriage at a time like this but I only think this type of positive message can help. My husband and I have failed eachother and hurt eachother. I never want to do that to anyone again. I want to learn to love like God wants me to. I just wanted to say thank you for your words today. God knows what the future holds for me but I will strive to be more like him in every relationship I have. I will use the ingredient list and try to remember what I’m putting into others lives. Thank you

  90. Rachel says:

    Respect…thank you for speaking straight to my heart (with a knife–albeit a good one)!

  91. Holly Duncan says:

    THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! For listening to the Lord and sharing your struggles. I struggle so much in my marriage and it is because I struggle with control and high expectations so my husband never can do what makes me happy. My prayer today is that I will deny myself and be the Godly Wife the Lord wants me to be.
    I am so thankful for this today. We have been married 7 years and have 4 little sweet children who need to see godly love between their parents. I would really enjoy to win this prize. =o) Thank you for the opportunity.

  92. Renee says:

    We have been married for almost fifteen years, and I have to say that some have been wonderful, some could have been better. The fault falls on both of us though, both the good and bad! Since I had to pretty much become a “mom” to my sister and brothers at the age of five, my main problem in my marriage has been letting someone else be in control to make the decisisions. However, as we have grown closer to God, and in the process closer to each other, I am learning to trust God and through Him my husband. It is an awesome freedom to be able to know that someone is over you making decisions that you don’t have to mess with. I don’t really because I know that God is over it all. I try to stay out of the whole process because I know that I have a weakness, and that I always revert back to (having to make the decisions), that I will try to make my opinion more important than his. I want my husband to be the head of my house, and I know that with God All Things Are Possible!

  93. Emily says:

    What a great way to start my day! Both the Proverbs 31 devotion and your message really hit home. We just had our third child and I am a new stay at home mom. The transition has been hard. Also during this time I have become so much closer to my Lord! He has made all this possible! I pray everyday that my husband will join me on this walk of deeper faith. We shal see how our God leads us! Thank you!

  94. good morning! today’s post felt like i could have inserted my name! my husband and i have a really good relationship but the areas i have to work on is letting him take the lead with my trust that he is doing a good job. yes, he makes mistakes but so do i! i just forget to take out the mirror when i start noticing his.

    follow your heart. 🙂

  95. BethAnne Countrymen says:

    This is just what I needed to read! Thanks! 🙂
    My goal is to let my husband lead our family.

  96. Your message spoke to me today. I have made so much progress in the area of being a good wife, but isn’t so amazi g how there is always more to work on. Thank God for all his tools & disciples. Thank you for doing a good work!

  97. Alaina says:

    Thank you for your Proverbs 31 Devotion! It was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I am struggling with letting my husband lead my family, due to the differences in our faith. He’s not ‘walking’ with God. Doesn’t spend time in the word, and doesn’t pray with me or with our family. He doesn’t talk about much outside of kids activities, daily schedule, weather, and weekend plans. It’s very hard to submit to a man who isn’t submitting to God. I know that God knows my heart. I just hesitate to submit to my husband. How can I? I feel like I’m letting go of my biggest conviction. I feel like I’m on a tightrope and on one side is a worldly option and the other is a Godly option…which is which? Isn’t it Godly to submit to my husband? But he is worldly?
    I just want to cry! I don’t know how to let go. I’m scared! Please help. I feel like I use my husband as a crutch sometimes too…like not volunteering at church (even when I feel called to) because I know he wouldn’t like it. Or, like I want to give 10% of our income to our church, but he says no way. It would be too much money to let go of…but I know we would be so blessed if we did! Help me! Pray for me! I’m trying to be faithful in my intercessory prayers that my husband will submit to God and give his life back to God…

    • Sandy Osborn says:

      I know exactly how you feel. I try, but so many times I fail. I want my husband to be the leader, but since he doesn’t rely on God when he leads, I’m not sure the decisions he makes are what’s best for the family. He’s one of the world’s best at tearing people down. We’ve been married 28 1/2 yrs and have 2 daughters, both of which he has alienated because of his derogatory remarks; yet he doesn’t realize he’s done anything wrong. I have been verbally abused all our married life; as a Christian I want to love and respect him, but find it hard to do so. What can I do? I will be praying for you.

  98. Denni says:

    Marriage is SO hard but also SO worth it! This month I celebrate 23 years with my husband! Trust me, there were years we barely made it! But today – I am so glad we worked on staying together. We still have our ups and downs, and goodness knows there will always be room for improvement. But working on our marriage together just makes us stronger!

  99. needed this today- rough start with spouse–issues really with me–
    thanks for the reminder-

  100. Toiya says:

    My husband and I will be married for 9 years this Valentine’s Day. We have been together for 17 years. I wish I would have known before I became his wife what was expected of me, however, now that I know, I will try my best to become the wife of his dreams. Our roles have been out of order for a long time now and it is now time to get them back in the order that was ordained by GOD. Today I will make the committment to be the wife that GOD made me to be and I will pray without ceasing for husband as he leads our family.

  101. In one word, it would be respect.
    Sharon, thanks for doing this give-a-way!
    I loved your post!

  102. Good morning! What a great devotional for P31 today…and now this! I have committed along with my “accountability partner” to make time with my husband a priority this year. So my word is TIME. With two little children in tote it can sometimes be a challenge to make time to just be together…to connect, talk, date, love on one another. 🙂 Thankful for my friend, Andrea, who suggested us keeping each other accountable this year, by checking in once a month to see how the other is doing. It’s not always easy, but most things that are worthwhile aren’t easy, right?! 🙂

  103. Marla says:

    Thank you for the devotion…something to think about and apply.

  104. Kelly says:

    Thank you for your encouragement today!

  105. Loved your message today…..I’ve really been praying for my marriage and my husband and am working on becoming a better wife!

  106. I need to remember how fragile my husband is….Like many woman I tend to view him thru my lenses…..when I need to see him thru the Lord’s lenses. We have been married for 45 years and there have been great times when we were on the mountain top and other times in deep valleys……Thru it all Jesus has been faithful……what a wonderful journey….yes wonderful, because the Lord chose this road for me to walk and no one else….I would not have changed anything in my life……Love your site and devotionals….keep up the great work……..

  107. Melissa says:

    My husband and I have had a horrible past 5 months. The devil has tried really hard to destroy our marriage and family. We need to focus on healing and trusting each other completely.

  108. Susan S says:

    The one thing I need to work on in my marriage – making my husband feel he is important – and letting the kids know that my husband is important. It’s easy to get lost in the dailiness of life especially with kids, work, etc. and let our relationship fall to the side. I need to make a concentrated effort to let him know he is important. Thanks!

  109. Sharon M. says:

    I have always had a great respect for my husband and his role as Spiritual leader of our family. However, I am currently struggling with a situation where I feel strongly God is calling me to go on an 8 day mission trip to Kenya with our church but my husband does not have peace about me going. I am a speaker and God has been growing me for the last two years and opening doors for me to speak. All of which my husband has neen supportive. I was asked to go to Kenta and speak at a Pastor’s conference to local Pastor’s wives! I have prayed about it alot, and God has given me scripture that I am to share. But my husband has no peace and feels disrespected as Spiritual Head of our family. What so I do when I am convinced of God’s call but my husband is not?? Please help!!

  110. frances rogers says:

    All I can say is “Wow!” God is so timely in what He puts in my path. My husband and I just had a conversation last night – half joking, half serious – about what it means to be a godly wife. Then my Proverbs 31 email devotion this morning was titled “The Good Wife.” I had to chuckle when I saw that subject line appear in my inbox. . .
    And what a further blessing to be introduced to your blog and ministry, Sharon. I’m so glad I popped over to your site.
    After being “single again” for 12 years, I married my husband last April (we’re almost ready to celebrate our first wedding anniversary!). It’s been a blessed time in my life, but we’ve had our share of attacks by Satan. After having to be strong and independent for most of my life, it’s been a little harder than I expected to share my life with another adult, even a godly man. Our combined family that includes 8 children ranging in age from 15 to 28 brings many, many blessings – but also a few challenges. In less than a year, we experienced our son’s arrest and expulsion from school – during his senior year of high school, my job loss, our wedding, our daughter’s suicide attempt, my husband’s job change, my new job with a 3-hour round trip daily commute, many financial problems and a few health issues. We’re still in the middle of some of these things, but God has been faithful to bring us through each day.
    All this to say that I know without a strong commitment by both of us – but especially me! – to honor God and each other, our marriage and our individual lives will never be as full as they should be. I am reminded of my need to continually increase my love, honor and respect for my husband – and am intrigued by the whole “one word” concept. Even if I don’t win the free copy of the book, I think I’ll have to check it out.
    🙂 Thanks for your ministry!

  111. RESPECT….
    God has been working on me… reminding me I need to not just love but respect. We have had many ups and downs over the last 15 years including the death of a child. Commitment to stay together and enjoying a life of joy together …. are not always the same thing…. thank you for your words they confirmed God’s words to me.
    thank you

  112. I struggle with my marriage, because my husband is an angry person. He is discontent and yells alot at the children and speaks to me with disrespect. My response to this has been to not feed into his behavior, and I gently let him know it was damaging our relationship and his relationship with the kids. I pray, and I’ve turned this over to God…but I am tired. I know that I cannot change him and only God can. I’m afraid that at some point the marriage will end…because accepting him as he is is one thing, but allowing the kids and I to be mistreated is another. Help.

    • Brigitte says:

      Dear Amie, I can so relate to your story and my heart cries out for you. I wrote my story earlier. I have tried so hard to let all those things I dislike about my husband to just wash off me and leave them in the Lord’s hands, and I just try and focus on the good things and remember that underneath all the nastiness is a little boy who just needs to be loved… but this is very hard to maintain day after day, especially when my own ’emotional cup’ is empty. I don’t know the answer. At this point all I can do is pray to hang on and try to stay positive until my youngest has left home… another 5 years… and then the marriage will probably end. I see no hope or future with him. You’re not alone… I understand. I will remember you in my prayers. Big hugs! xo

  113. Jenny C. says:

    I need to focus on accepting my husband rather than trying to change him (and forgiveness is part of that too). I have trouble with how to lovingly encourage him rather than point out his weaknesses.

  114. Thank you for today’s devotion. It encourages me to make our good marriage even better. One word for our marriage wold be, “Peace”. We’ e overcome some difficult trials in our marriage and although although I have forgiven him, sometimes the pain of past hurts arises and I tend to rehash the past which is unhealthy for the both of us. I want to be a good wife to my husband and work on making our home a place where we both can relax and be at peace not just on the surface but deep down. I want us to thoroughly enjoy our time together and I want peace to reign throughout our home so much that all who enter will feel it. With two teens and a tween in the house sometimes our home can be quite chaotic and I don’t want us to set a negative example for them by them hearing us fussing at each other. There’s alot that falls under the “Peace” umbrella but I think if we pray for peace and focus on the peace that only comes from Christ and we let Him take front and center stage in our lives and marriage, all the rest of the stuff will wall into place.
    Have a blessed day!
    Loni

  115. Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband and I married two days after high school graduation and will celebrate 27 years together this coming summer. We are inherently different, but God made us one — only something He could do. Obviously, the road is not always smooth. Your message is a nice reminder to continue to put forth the effort and God will continue to bless it!

  116. Autumn says:

    I prayed like crazy for my marriage before it even started. I read books on how to be a good wife and have a good marriage. I went into it thinking I must be prepared to be the perfect wife, but after a few short months of marriage I can tell you that was not the case! I struggle daily with accepting I will never get everything right 100% of the time. All that being said, I know that the most important thing I need to improve in my marriage is letting God perfect it rather than trying to do that myself.

  117. The one thing I struggle with is praying for my husband. I don’t always make it a priority and forget to do this important thing. It is such a vulnerable act to me, and I should do it more often. I am worried about being stupid when I pray with him and I want that to not be the case anymore.

  118. Jen in TX says:

    I need to work on putting my husband first. Your devotional was a wonderful reminder.

  119. Oh gosh, I need to work on a lot!!
    One of this biggest though, is like you…being respectful of him.
    Thanks so much for a great post!

  120. Deborah says:

    Your story is very similiar to mine! I have been married 31 years and I have been so blessed with a wonderful husband and marriage. But, I lack giving my husband the respect he deserves. God has been working in my life to correct that problem. I also lack patience and is something that God has told me I need to correct. I am so glad that I found your blog!

  121. Tammy P says:

    The thing I am working on now is trying to listen and engage with my husband more. When he comes hom from work he wants to tell me about hs day or what struggles he had and sometimes I’m so busy or drained I don’t fell like listening. So I have started just keeping quiet while he talks so he feels that what he has to say is important to me. Because it is!

  122. Dena Johnson says:

    Your devotional definitely spoke to me today. I have a hard time submitting to my husbands lead. I’ve gotten much better but still have a tendency to interrupt what he’s saying as soon as I hear something I disagree with. I don’t know how to stop it! But I’m going to pray for the Lord’s provision over that flaw. Thank you for your story! I’d love to read this book.

  123. The one thing that I need to work on in my marriage is showing Love.
    I get so caught up in what “needs” to be done around the house, the kids and for work, that it is hard to stop and “smell the roses.” God has been telling me this one word for a while. This study does sound like what I would like to pursue.

  124. Rebecca says:

    Being a single mom, I feel like my one word should be Faith… Faith that I am where God intends me to be, Faith that I trust him to lead my life, Faith that I am doing the right things as a parent. Lastly, Faith that in God’s time I will find the man he intends for me to be with. This is so hard to do….but I am keeping my Faith in line with God’s timing for my life.

  125. Becca R. says:

    I desperately needed this today. We have a newborn and things have been tough lately. I need to work on it ALL! From respecting, to encouraging, to communicating, to intimacy!

  126. All things in God’s timing. Your article was in my inbox today and sent straight from the holy spirit. Even after over 20 years of marriage
    I stuggle with this issue. Thank you for your wisdom.

  127. Thank you for sharing your encouraging words. We are stronger together!

  128. Melody says:

    I’m really confused. I read that we are our husbands queen.that he should treat as though we were everything to us. But the i read in your blog that I’m supposed to bow down to my husband forgetting my feelings and who i am to please him. Hard to do when you are t treated like the nanny. My husband is 16 years older than i and maybe that was my first mistake. He’s getting older, but so am i.

    • Hi Melody! I wanted to help you with all this confusing information. Yes, our husbands ought to love us and respect us as well but in Proverbs 31, which is about being a virtuous wife, it tells us the qualities of what a good wife is supposed to be. We were created to be a man’s “help mate”; not underneath or below but a help. God created marriage and gave man the responsibility of being the leader. While our husbands can respect our opinions it is his job to make the final decision for your family. And you won’t forget who you are to please your man, it should be who you are. Our human nature sometimes makes it hard to submit but it will glorify God and He is what matters. God will see your efforts and bless you. You can do it, Melody! 🙂

  129. JESSICA says:

    Dear Sharon,

    The good wife recipe is an awesome example of how a wife is suppose to be. Its so easy to get imbalance, as I was reading it I could see some of the ingredients I need to improve. It’s not easy but its not impossible. If we do our part God with certainly help us and do His part. One thing I learned is we as wives CAN NOT stop to do good to our husbands eventhough sometimes he doesn’t reciprocate the love, the words of appreciation, etc. Sometimes marriage isn’t easy and I know many people are facing trials, so I want to thank you for inspiring us with this devotional.

  130. Heather says:

    Intimacy – I so need to work on that area.

  131. Karen Johnson says:

    I just discovered 2 days ago that I am not treating my husband with the love or Respect that he needs or deserves. I know that I need to stop being so bitter towards life and to try to make our home more joyful so that he wants to spend time there with me. Instead of using a bitting answer to a question, I need to bite my tongue and use a gentle & loving response.

    I am praying that I God will show me how I can become a true & loving wife to the wonderful man that God gave me for my husband.

  132. Kendra says:

    Thanks for the encouragement this morning! One thing I need to continue working on is trusting in my husband’s ability to lead. I am getting better at following his lead – there was one big example the past few weeks, a new project we were taking on, that internally I was kicking and screaming about, but I managed to put my best effort into it and not outwardly complain – but I need to rely more on the holy spirit to settle my insides down a bit. How much better it would have been if I hadn’t had to overcome so much inner turmoil to complete the project. I am confident there will be more opportunities in the future to work on controlling my inner toddler. 😉

  133. I need to work on relinquishing control. Like you said in your devotion, my way isn’t the only way. He does things great too! I also need to appreciate his great desire to serve his family. I sometimes get caught up in the “I have no help!” and feeling sorry for myself mood when really he is just trying to support our family, not deliberately trying to spend time away.

  134. First I have to say thanks Sharon for this post today. I normally read my Proverbs 31 devotion first thing in the morning but yesterday I didn’t. However, this morning I was determined to do so before starting work, and I am so glad I did. You see, I am a very independent person as I grew up with a single mom, had to raise my children on my own before my husband decided to come back home – long story. With that I am used to doing everything by myself and doing things my way. My husband HATES that a lot. As for the intimate part of things, I feel he should always be the initiator, and if that doesn’t happen, we could go up to a month without any form of intimacy – no matter what. I constantly pray and ask God to help me do what I should be doing as a wife. I think this devotion was a God-sent one so I will now try following what Sharon suggested, and I hope I can give a good report later on:). Thanks again Sharon for being so true and honest in this devotion. Blessings always

  135. Patty P. says:

    Great article! Submitting to my husband and having him take the lead is definitely an area I need to work on. I can be pretty stubborn and want my own way all the time. I pray that God helps me honor and trust my husband more as I submit to him.

  136. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for the wonderful message this morning! We have been married for 10 years and have an amazing marriage; we are best friends and in passionate love with each other! We are very active in our church and love working for God. Although, I feel like we both could spend more time in His word and in prayer, everyday without fail, and it would only add to our relationship with HIM. So my one word would be “CONSISTENT”.
    I would love to win your prize!! 🙂

  137. abbygaile says:

    I just wanted to thank you for writing this! My husband and I just got married last June and it has been a roller coaster to say the least!! I too had no idea what it meant to him to have respect. And, he had no idea how to love me the way I needed to be loved. Please pray for him as he has told me that he doesn’t know Jesus and he’s very confused about the “whole Christianity thing” I try everyday to help guide him. But, he can use all the prayers he can get! Thank you so much!

  138. Vicki Schuster says:

    This was perfect……I need to read it every day. My goal is to respect my husband more. I think with that a lot of the other things will follow. I tend to focus on my children and pray for them and forget about my husbands needs. I also would like to pray for him more consistently and myself in how I deal with him (again respect).

    Thanks you 🙂

  139. I find myself feeling bitterness toward my husband at times. Certain aspects of our relationship and marriage. Then I tend to speak out harshly and be distant. My ONE word to work on would be LOVE in all circumstances, at ALL times. By putting my feelings last I believe I could work thru this, of course only with the Lords help. He would see a difference in me… That I’m not lashing back or over sensitive… We could work out these areas, talking them thru so we know how each of us feel during these moments….and aren’t they usually misunderstandings and assumptions anyway? 😉 thank you, I needed these words today in my life… Very appropriate!

  140. Monica A says:

    I need to treat my husband with honor and respect. I keep praying that I will have more physical desire for my husband.

  141. Cindy Meadors says:

    I cannot begin to tell you how timely the Proverbs 31 devotion and your blog post are for me. I pray every day for God to help me to be a “good wife”. I love my husband very much, but I have struggled a lot lately with being irritable and frustrated. I have so many things to work on, picking just one is difficult.

    My husband likes the house cleaned and organized in a certain way, and I do my best to keep it that way but sometimes fall short. He is extremely OCD (and bipolar as well) and I feel that sometimes the things he wants are ridiculous. I know that I cannot change my husband. I pray that God will change me; and help me to be the wife that my husband needs.

  142. Jodi Gilpin says:

    I have been going to a young moms bible study group for a couple years and of course one of the topics every week is our husbands. I also feel I am a very independent person and struggle with the respect issue. It is a hard balance for me as I when I think I am being respectful it sometimes frustrates him because he does still want my opinion. I have to remember giving my opinion is still appreciated but he does decide on something that I don’t agree with to accept it. As I continue to pray for this and grow in this area, the other areas with grow too.

  143. Carole Bridges says:

    Thank you so much for your article today! As I refected on all that you said I believe after 34 years of marriage to a wonderful man that truely only the lord could have chose for me..(before that I didn’t do so well on my own) I find that sometimes I forget that God’s word says that a man needs respect . I believe that the word I would most seek for the year would be MINDFUL. As a christian women I need to be mindful of what God is saying daily to me, mindful of my husband , mindful of my family as well as what is going on around me…how is God working ? what does he want me to do to be all that he has called me to be in being the kind of wife that my husband needs & deseves me to be.

    I pray in the days, weeks & year ahead that I will be ever mindful of everything in my marriage & to seek God in areas I have (chosen) to handle myself & give them to him.

    Thanks so much for sharing,
    Carole

  144. Thank you for your blog and the Proverbs 31 message that directed me to your post. I adore my husband after almost 14 years of marriage and 18 years together, and I think he loves me deeply as well, but I feel that our relationship is so shallow. He rarely shares anything with me and all of our discussions are shallow. We hardly ever fight because we would have to actually share our true feelings and opinions with one another to expose issues about which to argue. I long to have a deep emotional intimacy, even if that brings conflict to work through, rather than peace and happiness on the surface. Thank you for your suggestions.

  145. Joy R. in Missouri says:

    Thanks for the encouraging words today! I too struggle with allowing my husband to be the leader in our home due to some childhood difficulties. Your words today give me a renewed determination to respect my husband more and to allow him to lead us as a family.

  146. C Rogers says:

    RESPECT. I respect my husband but not always, esp in speech. I admire him so much and he deserves respect always. Thank you for a wonderful if challenging devotional. Good reminders to ponder all day and remind me to pray for the gift God gave me in him.

  147. I really needed this recipe! I can’t wait to get the passion back in our marriage and I know it needs to start with me submitting respectfully and treating him with love and kindness daily. I have been following my own marriage recipe and it has mostly failed me! I’ve been trudging a long for 12 years avoiding submission and I know it is time to start using God’s recipe (design) for a great marriage. I can’t wait to see what He is going to do in us and our family. Thanks so much for your testimony and hope!

  148. I’ve always known that my husband was a gift from God, but the importance of that shines even brighter after 42 years as I see the role he has taken as grandfather to our 6 grandchildren. I can see in his daily words and actions that he is choosing to model Christ’s love, and I pray that I may do the same.

  149. One of the many things I need to work on as a wife is making more time for just us as a couple and making sure that our children see us setting that time aside for one another. When life is busy, it’s easy to lose that focus on one another that we need to maintain a health relationship.

  150. “Up” is my One Word for this year, and I hope to lift my husband up as well. It has been a difficult couple of years for many reasons, and this year has some challenges as well.

    This was a timely post for me as well, I was so glad to find you through Proverbs 31.

    Thank you.

  151. Shalena Douthit says:

    My husband and I have realized as a Christian couple that we have to communicate more and more lovingly/Christ like. I have the tendencey to be the overbearing one and don’t stop to see that I need to be more submissive. My constant prayer has been that we will show each other grace and focus more on God. I also pray for peace in our home.

  152. Heather S. says:

    I constantly struggle with being as good a wife to my husband as he is a husband to me. This year, I would like to focus more on listening to him and hearing what he doesn’t say instead of assuming I know what he’s talking about. He’s always listening to the little side comments I make about things, and turning those around into gifts and time – I need to show him love like he shows me. Thanks for today’s devotional – it will a good resource to keep handy and refer to whenever I’m feeling selfish instead of selfless.

  153. Thank you for the encouraging devotion. I need to respect and serve my husband. While I respect him with my words, my actions often reveal something other than respect. I’m always reminding him that “actions speak louder than words.” It applies to me too.

  154. My word for the year will be helpmate. I am trying to see where I can best help my hubby. Work is shakey right now. I try to keep the homefront calm and soothing for him. I pray for him every morning. I greet him in the car with a nice cup of coffee and a smile. He is under terrible stress from his job. He is the bread winner as I stay at home and school at home. That makes him happy that I stay at home. I love it.

    We have been married almost 16 years. It has been up and down just like everyone else. But I think we are going to have a very good year despite all that is going on. I am really working on being the best wife for him because he is wonderful and God gave him to me.

  155. Cynthia says:

    Appreciate. Or according to him maybe Submit. Or possibly Forgive…
    Lots of trouble in this marriage and not sure it’s going to make it after 33 years but I’m praying, trying to do my part, and seeking help from local resources to help me with one area of concern.
    I’m devoted christian live for God every moment of my life he’s a pertetual baby christian doesn’t share in my passion and ministries or respect my calling. I come from a past of molestation that severely affects intimacy with a husband who doesn’t want to accept anything but his best intimate fantasies. I’m not heard then fail to feel loved cared for and cant trust him. I need out yet afraid. Grown children would be crushed. I can’t stay but can’t leave. Lord help me!

  156. Ginger says:

    We have been married almost 21 years. The one thing I need to work on with my husband is listening to him and his needs. Not being so busy with what I need to do or what the kids need but what he needs. Not that those other things like taking care of myself and children are not important but he should come 1st right after God. Pray for me that I will continue to trust in God and do his will in my life when it comes to my marriage. Thank you so much for the devotion – It was what I needed to hear today.

  157. Laurie says:

    Wow, this post speaks to me. I have been married for 37 years and I still think I know better and his ideas are just ridiculous. This is huge for me to admit. We have a “good” marriage but it could be so much more. Thank-you.

  158. Keri Ford says:

    Thank you so much for your insights about marriage. I’ve been married 10 years and although I have come a long ways as a wife in my hearts attitude there is still lots more room to grow. Your words have given me the clarity and reminder that I need to continue seeking God’s way for me as a wife and for my marriage and family!

  159. For the past few months I have really slipped away from God. It would be hard for anyone to notice because I am very active in our church. My husband and I are leaders in the student ministry and I lead a girls bible study once a week. What I haven’t realized is that it has been draining the life right out of me. I haven’t stopped and taken the time I need with God. It has taken a toll on my marriage and I haven’t been a very good wife. So today’s devotion, The Good Wife, really spoke to me. I realize that I need to really respect my husband. I am glad I came over to your blog today because after reading about your past. You said your dad had left when you were really young and that is my story as well and you have given me hope. Hope that I can get past that and respect my husband for the amazing man of God that he is. Thank you, Sharon.

  160. This is my first time reading your blog. I just started getting proverbs 31, it so awesome how the good Lord works! The past week I have been trying to be more focused on my family and husband. It so cool how he sends these nudges our way. Thank you so much for you insight, it is very encouraging ! 🙂 happy to have found a great daily read to pick me up too! Care

  161. The one word I would use is listener. I’m so quick to be critical with my spouse but I’ve learned through this devotional how to be submissive and allow his leading as our head in home. I know now he was right in a lot of instances and I interrupted. I could have been spared a lot of heartache and burden had I listened and let him lead. Yet experience has taught me and thank God for today’s devotional.

  162. Keri Ford says:

    I’ve been married 10 years to a great man who loves God and although I have come a long ways as a wife in my hearts attitude there is still a lot more room to grow. Your words have given me the clarity and reminder that I need to continue seeking God’s way for me as a wife!

  163. Obedient would be my the word for the year……i just to want to be obedient in all of my ways especially for my Furture (already claimed) Husband

  164. My word is “turn” as I felt God calling me to turn to God this year. Well after reading this blog I realize I need to turn toward my husband as well!

  165. Wow, I’m so glad God led me to your posting. My marriage has been the most difficult season in my life so far. We’ve only been married a little over four years but a lot has happened in such a short time. I’ve decided the word I want to use is intentional, because if it was up to me I pretty much allow my life to pass by and just hope for the best. This year I want to become more intentional about how I serve God and my family.

  166. Susan K says:

    Intimacy! Thanks for this opportunity 🙂

  167. Marisha says:

    Thanks so much for the encouraging piece. Actually before I even saw today’s devotional in my inbox this morning, during breakfast I did have a random prayer for God to help me give a fair chance to the new relationship if He blesses me with one this year, not to use past hurts and bad experiences towards a new boyfriend and take him for who he is and have a fresh start. Thank you for the recipe. I hope I will have a chance to put it into practice!

  168. My husband and I have been married 28 years. He is an amazing man. He compliments me all of the time and supports everything that I do. I am so fortunate and I know that. However, I have been praying that God would give him wisdom to make the right decision for our family. This decision affects all 4 of our living children as well as our 3 grandchildren. Yesterday he came in as said, “I have been praying for wisdom in this situation.” I told him that I too had been praying for God to give him wisdom and an answer. He said that God had told him we were to sell the property that has been in his family for many years. That was not the answer that I was expecting. I know he knew I was disappointed. That is not how I should have reacted. “Support” that is my word. Support him in his decisions always! He is a Godly man listening to what God is telling him to do. Who am I to question that?

    Tammy

  169. Loved your devo!! My word for the year is delight and what our marriage needs is time. We have 5 kids 10 and under and it’s a challenge to take the time to really spend together! Thanks for your insight!!

    • Oh my Jill! We had 5 kids under the age of 12. It was an incredible amount of work. But the labor has paid off. Ours are amazing warriors in the Lord. May you be strengthened in the power of the Lord and may your marriage be in passionate love. Love and hugs,
      Sharon

  170. Loranne says:

    My husband and I were recently in a very serious motorcycle accident. Long story short, as a result of surviving the accident, my husband has accepted Christ and has begun the process of learning how to lead our family in Godly ways. This has made me so very, very happy – a definite answer to years of prayer. What I need to work on in my marriage is letting go of the control I’ve had and learning to trust and submit to his leadership. We are a blended family and there have been many hurts along the way. My word for the year is healing…healing of body, healing of spirit, healing of family, healing…

    • Wow Loranne! Lord bring the healing that Loranne longs for, spiritually, physically, mentally and through her family! in Jesus’ name amen! Bring is quick Lord!

  171. Amanda says:

    I needed these words today. I grew up in a broken home, being the first born I am also very independent. Growing up it was very important to my mom my raise me to be independent and also told me to never “depend” on a man, I should be strong enough to stand on my own 2 feet and make me own decisions. Fast forward some years, I have been married for 2 years and it is a DAILY struggle for me to let go and respect my husbands decisions and choices for our family.

    Thank you for this post and the one on Proverbs 31. It is another sign that God is telling me to just let go!

  172. HONOR – It ties in with respect. I have not always honored my husband as the head of our household. I had many past hurts and even trust issues in my marriage that have made this difficult. I have even used them as excuses. God has shown me these last few months that my husband’s lack of anything is no excuse for me to not honor him. His place as the head of our family is God given, it’s not earned from me! We have a ways to go but I have found that when I submit my heart and honor and respect him, he is much more likely to open his heart to God and make the right decision.

  173. Vonnie Kronk says:

    Your story is very similiar to mine! I have been married 33 years this May and I have been so blessed with a wonderful husband and marriage. But, I lack giving my husband the respect he deserves. God has been working in my life to correct that problem. I am so glad that I found your blog! My husband’s name is Dale too!

  174. Wow. This would be an amazing gift. The one thing I need to work on with my marriage is communication. I learned through Lysa TerKeursts book “unglued” that I have an issue with unmet expectations. There are things I want in my marriage but have not done a good job communicating. Then I end up upset and he has no idea why! That’s not fair to either of us. We have been talking a lot about how we can work on communicating better. With all the changes our family has been through in the last couple months, its no wonder we were in a rough place. Thank you so much for sharing this Godly insight!

  175. Marie Crook says:

    I just love your 6th and 7th paragraph!! As a not so young in age never married woman now with a steady love (Hurray) (sweet man)
    I am so wanting to make right decisions and I adore what your
    shared!! 🙂

  176. michelle h says:

    partnership. we’ve been through a lot over the years we’ve been married and we have to keep seeing ourselves as a team against the struggles. otherwise, it’s tempting to see each other as the enemy and let the problems divide us rather than draw us together.

  177. Xiomara Tucker says:

    One thing I need to work on is respect. I have allowed myself to get so busy that I don’t take the time to ask his opinion. I have to admit I think I know everything and can do everything without any help. (Sound crazy right:)) If anyone needs help it would be a homemaker of three adorable children and one hard working, self-emplyeed husband. I have surrendered my will to God. I must learn to be submissive to my wonderful husband.

  178. Charlotte Askew says:

    Beautiful as always.

    I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and I lost my mother at the age of 13. She left behind 7 young children, including me. I, be the oldest, had to drop out of school for a year to take care of the other children; the youngest was 8 months old. There was actually 3 that still wore diapers and were bottle fed.

    During my late teens, I was so starved for love that I sought it in the wrong place. I have a 48 year old daughter that is the result of an affair with a married man. I raised my child on my own. You can imagine that I had that same independent problem. My first marriage failed due to him being an alcoholic and having affairs.

    God took all the bad that I had created in my life and blessed me with a wonderful husband. I still struggle with the independence. I still struggle with a lot of things, however, God is doing a huge work in my life. I had no problems submitting my life to Jesus and I know that is the most important thing. I will get there someday. I work everyday on allowing my husband to be the head of our home. It might take until the Lord calls me home to get it right; but, I am working on being the best wife ever.

    Sharon, you honestly and humble way is a blessing to every woman here. Keep encouraging us.

    • Wow what a testimony Charlotte! Oh my goodness!!!! Wow!! I would love to sit and talk to you for hours. Thank you so much for sharing. Love, Sharon

  179. Donna says:

    God has convicted me that I need to stop trying to be right in our marriage and be respectful even when I do not agree with my husband. I need to “do as unto the Lord.” (Ephesians) When I view my role as a wife through the eyes of the Lord in obedience and respect my husband even though I think he could benefit from my opinions, God will honor and bless my obedience. I have learned the hard way that when I try to control things and don’t step back and allow God to be the head of our marriage and be the wife he calls me to be and pray for my husband to be the husband God calls him to be, our marriage will not be Christ-like and pleasing to God. So I am praying repentance and respect to repair my marriage and my husband’s bruised heart.

    Sweet Blessings for a God-honoring post.

  180. Respect for my husband is something I struggle with and why? I need to bite my tongue and put a smile on my face and let him cont. to lead us. Thanks for the insight and pray for my marriage and all marriges.

  181. Brittanny says:

    I am still single but in a committed Godly relationship and truly appreciate this advice! i feel like if I can’t master this before marriage how hard it would be during! My boyfriend and I both come from broken homes where divorce was very prevalent, but we both value marriage highly and do not wish to go down the same path as our parents. My focus this year is to be more of a compassionate listener to him, because I too struggle with that screeching independence where I can’t always see the outcome of things but I just need to trust God and his godly discernment in situations 🙂

  182. Wow really an eye opener, this is something I really need to do , what a wonderful story, I guess I need to bite my tongue more often, we both have come from a broken home but we both agreed we will never have a broken home, we’ve been together almost 17 years, and this story u have written is powerful, thank you

  183. Denise H says:

    Don’t ya just love it when God smacks you upside the head … SEVERAL times as you go through a spiritual growth? This is my current issue. I was just given the book Let. It. Go. by my father on behalf of my husband so I’d loosen my control-freak grip….This coming right after I tackled Unglued to deal with my road-rage reactions when things are not done my way (or more typically in my perceived time frame)… and I was all “Oh, yeah, I’m doing good. This is working, the light bulb was lit and I understand and can make progress towards my goal” and then WHAM – God uses my father to point out something more specific in the big tangle of unglued reactions. 🙂 This recently remarried mother of 2 who has been the mom and the dad for 13 years is having a hard time relinquishing the reigns, despite my heartfelt want, belief, and need to hand over the responsibility. I’m tired and my shoulders are heavy. My word this year needs to be “relinquish”.

  184. Megan says:

    I struggle with communication and respect. It is difficult for me to step back and let my husband make the decisions. I have a tough time putting aside my own opinions to respect my husband’s ideas. I’m working on biting my tongue, and relinquishing control.

  185. Shannon says:

    Thank you for sharing your recipe for a Good Wife! I desire to be the best wife for my husband but I do find myself as you shared needing to respect him and his following God’s leading for our family. Praying that I put these tools into practice to be his helper, partner and friend. God Bless you….

  186. This is my first day on this site/blog. Very excellent article on marriage…simple, foundational and scriptural reminders of our priviledge as women of God who want to be a testimony to Jesus by how we live and love in our marriages. Thank you for the well- written reminder…I personally am struggling maritally and desperate for change toward reconciliation.

  187. I would say the biggest thing is listening. I think so many times I want my husband to listen to the things that happend to me during the day but he needs to vent too. I need to listen carefully to what he has to say and be compassionate and kind in what I respond with. Many times I’m so focused on me. His job is hard because of the people that surround him and I need to lift him up and encourage him because he is wonderful!

  188. Josephine says:

    Thanks for the word in due season, just this year when I made a decision to submit to the leading of the Holy spirit in my marriage especially in the rearing of our children and spiritual leadership in the home that I have seen the Lord start to move in ways that He alone can. Praise God for the Proverbs 31 and your blog, yes we the ladies need such inspiring/encouraging testimonies. God is faithful, AMEN!

  189. Jessica says:

    I am not yet married but engaged to a beautiful man in Christ. Our journey is quite unique and I thank God for everything He has done for us these past months. I haven’t had the best male role models in my life and have been let down many of times. But God had a greater plan for me when He allowed me to travel to Ecuador to volunteer for 2 years in a rural town. Here He said it was time for me to seek Him and seek His immense love for me. During my travels God healed my wounds and placed a wonderful man in my life. I believe this was His precious gift to me because this man reflects God’s love for me and is a constant reminder of how I am loved by Him.

    These past days I have prayed for God to reveal himself to me in different areas in my life. One area I have pushed aside due the many things life throws at you is praying for my future husband. I will pray for our relationship, I will pray at any prayer request, but have not been faithful in praying for my fiancee and his relationship with God. Today God presented a situation and this wonderful devotional and all I could see was God and His unconditional love for us. When I read the articular it just made me realize the ingredients I need to add to strengthen our relationship. The word I believe he wants me to work on is Patience. From patience arise many other things and for me I believe it’s patience in God’s plan and his perfect timing. I struggle at this when I am unsure of what is to come but I need to trust in God’s perfect timing for us . I just thank you and thank God for placing this devotional and article in my path. It is exactly what i needed 🙂

  190. Julianna Bostrom says:

    I need to work on letting my husband lead. I often wrongly believe that because I have been a Christian for much longer (16 years versus his less than one year), I should be the one taking the reigns. But that is not what the Bible teaches! I need to learn to respect my husband’s decisions and not always assume I know best. I rarely get it right!

  191. Samantha says:

    Submit is my word. I am hindering my husband in his role as the spiritual head. I am guilty of “conditional submission” which really isn’t submission at all and definitely not God’s best for my family.

  192. Apple says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I so needed to it.
    Your said…. pray for his health, work and fufille his dream!
    This is Wonderful….its love. I thank God for my husband.
    I didn’t know God’s love.. Never heard of it but I knew there is God is in Heaven.
    My husband just simply told me about Loving God who forgives our
    Sins… Repentance. I know nothing about God’s love , mercy and forgiveness…..I very much needed that. When I got saved few years ago. I learned the power of prayer.
    Pray for your husband and children
    Effective prayer. I want be the best wife to my husband!
    God bless!

  193. My one word (and ingredient that needs tweaking) is… Serving. Thank you for the encouragement!

  194. ‘wow, there are so many things to pray about in my marriage!!! I guess the first and one of the most important for right now is communication….we have none….we need it.

  195. Danice says:

    I am single, and need to work on building my relationship with God above all else. My ex fiancé is doing the same as he tries to win back my heart but my focus now is God. No other relationship is going to work without Him.

  196. Heidi N says:

    Wow, this is really powerful. Thank you so much for sharing your story. This is something that I need to work on. I feel really encouraged that if I will show respect at ALL times, even when I don’t agree that The Lord to speak to my husband and lead him in the direction that is best for our family:)

  197. Hi Sharon, I am a new follower to your blog, and am so thankful that I found it! After failing at several marriages, God led me to a Godly man whom I have been married to for 10 years. Corporate stress is our biggest enemy. I need to learn to listen and let him lead and to quit being so headstrong that my way is always the right way! Thank you for all you and P31 does for us!

  198. Jami Conaway says:

    I love this post. God has been really laying on my heart to work on my marriage. My work this year is Serve and I seem to serve everyone else but have nothing left for him.

    Thank you!

  199. Prema says:

    My area to work on is a clean organised home. I’ve never been able to honour this request of his

  200. Rachel says:

    Thank you for the Good Wife Recipe. So many things to work on for me. Respect is probably the biggest one right now.

  201. Evelyn says:

    Letting my husband make more decisions and sticking with those decisions rather than being so independent!

  202. I just recently signed up for daily devotionals from proverbs31 and I am in love! It is so encouraging to see other women in the trenches of trying to live pleasing to the Lord, cook, clean, be a mommy and connect to their husbands. It helps me remember that we are all a work in progress – imperfect progress that God is working on daily.
    Anyway, I really need to work on honoring my husband more. Regardless of my emotions, God has put him in authority in our home and I need to honor his position there.

  203. I think a lot like you. It’s difficult after living on my own to be in a marriage.

  204. Stephanie S says:

    I need to work on respect. I have an independant spirit so I have a hard time letting him be the leader he needs to be in our home. Your post has inspired me to try fresh starting tonight.

  205. Stephanie says:

    The Lord has blessed me with a great marriage! I love being married and have a great relationship with my husband.

    But I notice when I am tired I snap instead of responding kindly to both him and the kids and that is something I would like to work on.

  206. Cheri says:

    Thank you for your powerful word! I just recently found you on line. I appreciate your thoughtful words. I plan to try using one word to make my life more God centered.
    I know that He has great plans for me. My word will be LISTEN.
    Thanks so much

  207. Stephanie says:

    My husband was deployed for over half of our marriage. It’s always been a real struggle to switch back and forth from leader to follower role when he comes and goes. He has since retired but my mindset did not! I guess if I had one word it would be to Love. When I love God completely and entirely throughout the day and remain in fellowship with Him, the Holy Spirit will produce all of the rest of the attributes that would truly make me a good wife, friend, daughter, sister, co-worker…

  208. Candis says:

    I think I need to work on respecting my husbands decisions as well. We’ve only been married about 2 years, and feel like I constantly question his decisions for our future. This post was so helpful- I felt like God was speaking through you directly to my heart

  209. Veronica says:

    I too have always been an independent woman, from a family of them! I was a widow for two years before I was remarried and my children were grown and gone, so I really was not accountable to anyone and could do everything my way. My husband is also very different in many ways from my first husband and is a much newer Christian than I. Your post really resonated with me. I KNOW I have to work on being more yielding than I am and honoring my husband more. I honor him with my behavior, but my tongue needs a lot of taming!

  210. Elizabeth says:

    What a true blessing your words have been…I am 28 years old and have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful husband. He was an answer to many prayers. After having my 1st child, I realized my first husband was having a relationship with another woman. He left me when my daughter was 5 months old…being high school sweethearts, my world fell apart and I was crushed. Thank God I have my faith in The Lord and I knew he would never give me more than he knew I could handle. I fell many times, but he picked me up each and every time. He alone gave me strength to forgive. As soon as I let go of the pain-and fear- of a failed marriage, I was sent an Earth angel…he reminds me daily that the past does not define who I am nor does the actions of others. He adores my daughter and has blessed me with a son. I am so very blessed and thankful for all of God’s blessings…even the storms- as they always bring the rainbows…
    My word is TRUST…in God and in my husband…always Trust that God has a plan-even if we do not understand it.

    Thank you, Sharon for reminding me to be thankful!

  211. linda harris says:

    I am asking God to help me work on the respect factor. I feel that I do respect him but sometimes the way i say things comes accross too brash and he sees it as disrespect even though i didn’t mean it that way. I want my husband to be open and honest with me and so i need to close my mouth more and listen more!

  212. Vickie says:

    After 40+ years of marriage, I am trying to focus on gratitude for the days God has given us together. My word for this year is ‘Rejoice’ and I want to do that in life and in marriage!

  213. The one thing I would like to focus on is my relationship with Christ. As I was reading, I realized the same recipe for a good wife is the same recipe for a good servant. I’m praying I will be able to add to that recipe and make that bond stronger. That way when my husband does come along, I should be pretty good using/adhering to that recipe.

  214. Kristin says:

    TRUST… trusting the Lord to lead me and my husband and the future of our marriage.

  215. i’d say respect is the ingredient i need to work on the most. i need to respect his ideas, feelings, opinions and even his fears, especially when i completely disagree with him. sometimes its the way he expresses these things that makes me less apt or desiring to respect what he’s sharing. so i need to learn how to give him the benefit of the doubt and see passed how he is communicating and understand what he’s really trying to express, no matter how it makes me feel. most of all i need to realize that i don’t have to put my trust in him to respect him. as long as i’m trusting God, i can respect my husband 100%.

  216. Kathy Rowan says:

    The area I need to work on is defiantly respect! While I love my husband I am sure I am always right and never show enough respect for him or his abilities. My husband is brilliant and compassionate yet I tend to forget all his wonderful qualities ( qualities that first attracted me to him to begin with) in my effort to always be right and in control. On the few times that I have allowed God’s perfect plan of the husband being the head of our home and given in to let him lead, it has always worked out. I also notice the more I respect him the more I feel loving toward him, which always makes him more loving toward me in turn. It really does work, my job is to keep prayed up and in the word so satan doesn’t interfere!

  217. Nancy says:

    Well I would have to say respect. My husband is now retired and I am still working a full time job (and will be for many more years). We realized that our age difference would leave us in this situation when we married 10 years ago, but I didn’t really think that it would matter. Well I hate to say that it has mattered and it has been a struggle adjusting. My husband is wonderful and does many helpful things around the home but I miss him in the breadwinner role. I feel a little bit of a power shift in my heart and I am not comfortable with it. I need to respect my husband in his new role and honor him as the head of our home.

  218. Pam J says:

    You would think that after 33 years of marriage I would know all there is to know about marriage. How wrong I was. My husband told me last July just before our 33rd anniversary that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. Just tonight we made an appointment with a divorce mediator to begin divorce proceedings. Not by my choice. I still love him with all my heart. I have failed my husband completely. He says he never felt like I loved him even though I always told him. According to him my actions didn’t show it. Please take my advice. Show your husband respect, show him you love him. Spend time with him. My wake-up call has come too late. I wish he would have told me what he was feeling, but he has never communicated very well. Now he’s not even interested in counseling. I’m praying for marriage restoration and know God is capable of doing just that. My word for last year was Trust, but I never had any idea what was ahead. It will still be my word for this year, along with faith. Please pray for me as I walk this very difficult path. Pray for complete restoration. With God all things are possible!! Thank you. Pam

    • Pam, I have a friend whose husband said he wanted a divorce. He said he didn’t love her any more and there wasn’t any chance he would want the marriage ever again. I gave her the Good Wife Recipe and told her to use every ingredient to the FULLEST. She did and they are madly in love now. She said it is as if they are newly weds now. Things looked hopeless, but God intervened. Lord, Help Pam’s marriage to be restored fully. Help them to fall in love again and bring healing to their marriage. Give Pam wisdom and ability to do everything You are calling her to do. In Jesus’ Name amen.
      Love, Sharon

      • Jackie Fox says:

        Pam, I know you don’t know me but I am praying for restoration in your marriage. God is always faithful and desires to give you good gifts. Be faithful to Him, fast and pray. I will join you.

  219. Karrie says:

    I really do need to work on respecting my husband and listening to his ideas and thoughts. Its funny I was just thinking about this over the weekend. When I met my husband our daughter was 3, I was single and had been making decisions on my own for awhile. I had grown used to making decisions and not consulting anyone. I have gotten a lot better but there are times even now almost 10 years later that I find myself not taking time to listen to him or consult him on things that I should. I am really going to focus on asking God to help me with this. I want to give him the respect he deserves.

  220. The Proverbs 31 devotion led me to your page tonight and I could not have needed it more! I am in a marriage of 12 years and although we are happy, I feel like something is missing. I am very independent and a lot of times I feel “disconnected” from my husband – not because of him, but because I realize now that I am not respecting his opinion or feelings. I am willing to try ALL of the ingredients for your recipe and can’t wait to see how God blesses our marriage! Thanks for sharing today’s message.

  221. It was definitely God’s will that I read this today. I am struggling in my marriage and needed this. . Thank You.

  222. Thank you for sharing this devotional today! I’ve been married just over 5 years and need to work on the “ingredient” of intimacy. It’s always been a struggle for us and I know it makes the other “ingredients” feel out of balance. Thanks for the encouragement!

  223. Rachel in nc says:

    WORD: recipe
    I married a good man. A second marriage for both. Ten children between us in our home. We desire to get this right , for our children’s sake. Thank you for simplifying the key ingredients. I will Respect, pray , forgive, and love. I m going to keep your reminder at the top of my inbox this year.

  224. Kim W. says:

    When I hear some women talk disrespectfully about their husbands, it really breaks my heart and irritates me as well. It makes me wonder if this is how they interact with their spouse face to face or just behind his back. My husband could be the biggest stinker on the planet (he is the best husband anyone could ask for by the way!!) but nobody would ever know it because I only say things that build him up to other people, not make fun of him or criticize him. I have too much love and respect for him to do otherwise.

  225. Kelly says:

    My one word would be togetherness. My husband is a police officer and I’m active duty military and we both work night schedules, and it seems like our off days never sync up!! He gets home at 11pm and I get home at 9 in the morning and it seems more and more like I never get to spend any time with him. I need to get more intentional about making time to spend with him, I miss him so much.

  226. Jackie Fox says:

    Sharon, Thank you for being such a godly leader and influence to women. You are amazing and you have an amazing husband. Oh yeah…..so do I! Isn’t God great???

  227. Nanette says:

    The one thing in my marriage I need to work on is intimacy….we are really oing down hill in this area. Pray for us.

  228. Stacey says:

    I enjoyed the devotional today it was what I really needed to read, I struggle the most with service for my husband with life’s schedules tend to get in the way and the house is not always cleaned the way it should or cooking for him is not a priority but I need to work harder in this area thanks again for sharing this

  229. Tricia says:

    I have such a hard time respecting my husband’s decisions. I don’t know why I think I’m always right, but I know it wears him down and discourages him. Thank you for the reminder. I bookmarked the Good Wife recipe post so I could remind myself what I need to be working on.

  230. Heather says:

    I am getting married Sept 7th of this year and I loved the devotion today. I really need to work on praying for my fiance and trusting him more. I love him to pieces and I know that he is such a blessing from God! Thank you so much for this great devotion and I look forward to subscribing to your blog!

  231. I stumbled upon you from the Proverbs 31 site, such a great reminder. I struggle daily with respect and communication. Respecting his viewpoint and being respectful in my speak to him. This recipe is something that I will print as a daily reminder!

  232. As i read this, i cried for i am struggling to fully respect my husband in all his decisions……Dear God, you must help me in this area!

    • Lord, PLEASE help Amy, PLEASE lead her husband to make decisions that are led by You and not of his own. Help him to seek you and find you and live it out. Thank you Lord. In Jesus’ name amen. Love and hugs, Sharon

    • Lord, bless Amy and her husband. Help make their marriage to be what You want it to be Lord. In Jesus’ name amen

  233. I’m like you Sharon; I need to back off and realize that I’m not the one who knows best or most, but we’re a team and I can take a back seat.

  234. Cheryl S says:

    What a great devotional today. It was just what I needed. How easy I find it to be to think more highly of myself than I ought. Thank you for the reminder of what God calls us to do as wives.

  235. Sharon says:

    Please tell me how to respect a Christian man who drinks until he passes out, cannot hold a job and speaks so poorly to his children? It is hard to respect someone who is not holding up his role in the family. I tried to support him and tried to encourage him but in the end he walked out on us for another woman. I would have taken him back if he could have gotten himself under control but he didn’t want our marriage. I prayed to God to restore us. Four years later, he is remarried, going to seminary and still has no contact with his 3 kids. Thankfully God has given me the ability to support myself and kids independently.

    • Wow Sharon, I am so sorry you had to endure such hardship. He is not the model of the husband God talks about in the Bible at all, and still isn’t since he has no contact with the children. Lord, please send a husband to Sharon that will love her like You love. A man totally dedicated to You. Heal Sharon and provide for her every need. Fill her with peace and joy again. Thank You Lord. In Jesus’ name amen. Hugs, Sharon G

  236. Sara T says:

    Amazing blog and lesson for me this morning. My always thinking I am the only one who knows what’s best for the kids is a huge point of contingency in my marriage. Definitely will be carrying this with me on heart and making a conscientious effort to let go and trust him.

  237. Heather R. says:

    This is such a challenge and encouragement for me this morning. My one thing, or main thing, I need to work on in my marriage is also respect. I can relate to how you were previously in your marriage. I feel like I am there now and the thought of doing what you did scares me. I pray that I trust God enough to let my husband lead even when I disagree with his judgement.

  238. Michelle says:

    Restoration

  239. I was delighted to read you post yesterday on Proverbs 31 with your recipe for being The Good Wife. My husband and I own a bed & breakfast and we both cook daily. Your analogy about cooking really resonated with me. After 18 years of marriage and running two different businesses together, we are still deeply in love, but not always as close as we were early on. I read your “love story” and am planning a surprise for that wonderful man of man next week (his birthday is Monday and Valentine’s Day is Thursday). I hope to create a special picnic for just the two of us and share your story with him. I want us to commit to living every day for the rest of our lives like we are on our honeymoon! I hope that through prayer and bible study I can truly become a “Good Wife”! I think I have some attitudes to work on.

    We have couples that visit us every week to celebrate their anniversary at a romantic bed & breakfast. God has blessed us with the gift of hospitality and we try to share His love for everyone who stays with us. I want to find a way to share something of your ideas of living a honeymoon live. Any ideas?

    • I love bed and breakfasts!They’re so much work. I can see how there is little time. My advice is with the little time that you do have make it as passionate as you can;).
      Even with little time you can make your rations, delectable. I would love to write a post on that. . . um I hope I do. Keep me informed on your honeymoon life! love, sharon

  240. Julie says:

    “Communication”
    I have a terrible time communicating with my husband. When I’m upset i usually shut down and become silent. I go over and over all the things that are making me angry or upset, trying to figure out how I could have done something different or why I feel the way I do, what he said to upset me. I ask myself a thousand things but I never let him know what I’m thinking. When I’m upset about something I usualy feel like it’s something silly and I shouldn’t be upset about it so i don’t say anything for fear it will make me sound “crazy” or “difficult.” If my husband prods me enough I’ll open up enough to get a few thoughts out that we are always able to work through. The more silence that happens the more i get upset, for not speaking, for not telling him my thoughts, for not communicating my feelings. We’ve only been married a week short of a year and I fear my lack of communication with him will lead to other disasters in the future.
    I also have the issue of honoring him and allowing him to lead our house. I often questions his decisions or doubt his actions. Hopeing that I can put to work all the qualities of a Christian wife to work in my life so our marriage will flourish to all it can be!

    • Lord, Help Julie and her husband to have the marriage of their dreams. Pour your love through them and help it to motivate them to passionate love. Thank you Lord. In Jesus’ name amen

  241. When I read this yesterday it really hit home & caused me to see some areas where I need to improve. I know my love& respect shouldn’t be contingent on my human husband but how do you respect his decisions when he is in sin & only making said decision b/c of grudges he is holding? I am not being mean just truthful when I say he refuses to change in a certain area. I do love my husband & we do spend time TOGETHER~BUT I am finding it harder to rein in my thoughts & feelings when he is nasty and/angrry. His attitude makes it so hard for me to respond physically. There are times
    when God allows me to just lay all aside & love him but I fear I am getting cold towards him at times~ plead with God for my husband’s heart to crack & be warm again & for me to love, be patient & not sin towards him but to be a godly wife in all things & when I do sin to be humble & ask forgiveness. Thanks for devotion & godly example of your life.

    • Lord we ask that you indeed will break through to the deepest places of her husband’s heart. Speak to him, awaken him to love greatly. God we ask for you to heal this marriage and pour peace and joy all over it. In Jesus’ name amen. Hugs

  242. Janet says:

    I struggle in the respect area as well. I don’t always agree with how my husband handles situations with our teen children and I often voice my opinion. I definitely need help in this area.

    Blessings,
    Janet

  243. This post hit me in a way that is truely unexplainable with words. There are many things that have happened in our past together that we have done because we have so easily forgotten to respect each other for what we each bring into this relationship. Over the years it has been so easy for us to each individually take the credit for the accomplishments we made within our relationship, home, family, and careers. Yet, truth be told, it wasn’t just one of us, but the both of us working together in ways that we just were not willing to give credit to the other person for. If there is one word that we need to focus on this year, it would be “forgiveness”. Forgiveness to each other for the wrongs that we have done not only to ourselves as individuals, but to each other. We need to put our past behind us and strive to give each other our all and be the best person for the other person that we can be. I thank you so very much for the articles that you write, and I thank God for bringing me to Proverbs 31 Ministeries to help guide me to be a more spiritual woman and to walk in the faith of the Lord he so willingly gave himself for.

  244. Susan Ruffa says:

    Grace-my one word- giving Grace!!

  245. I need to work on respect and encouragement with my husband. We have been married almost 19 years and I have never seen him as frustrated about his job as his is now. Instead of telling him what he needs to do I need to pray and encourage him to be open to a change if God so leads.

  246. The winner of yesterday’s giveaway is Kim M. she posted her comment yesterday at
    02/05/2013 at 7:22 AM. Yay! Thank you all for commenting. I wish I had a gift for each of you. Better yet I wish you all could come over to my house for coffee and we could continue the discussion on marriage. Umm now that’s an idea! We do live on a farm and have a huge barn. . . Kim M email me your address! Hugs!

  247. Anonymous says:

    Thank you for this post. It has been very helpful for me as I can relate to your earlier struggles and if highlighted for me areas I definitely need to work on. I grew up living with my single father (not a Christian) and therefore didn’t have any strong family role models to learn from, and as yourself, became very independent. My father worked very hard to give my younger sister and I the best opportunities in life from an educational standpoint but as a consequence we spent a lot of time looking after ourselves and never having that caring motherly role in our lives I think certainly had an impact. Your post has made me realise I do always think I’m right and try to manipulate a situation to suit my ideals. We have a lot of communication troubles but I’m going to try your recommendations! Thank you.

  248. I struggle with Listening…and that is the word I have chosen to work on this year. Thanks for your post on Provebs 31 and thanks for your honesty about how God helped you grow and bless your marriage. SO often it is do this or that, but you not only made suggestions, you shared how they can be applied and how you applied them.

  249. Brigitte says:

    Dear Sharon, I’ve written my story earlier and I did get reply from you saying you would pray, thank you for that! Since confessing my pain on your blog The Lord has really been speaking to me about my marriage through other devotions and in my conversations with my Christian friends, and I discovered something amazing! I hope you don’t mind if I share it…

    The Feb 11 ‘NIV Devotions for Mom’ from BibleGateway.com was titled ‘Reasonable Conflict’, and it encouraged me to define my problem and then list options for solving it. So I started searching the Bible for references to marriage, and, of course, I came to Ephesians 5:21-33.

    The first part talks about both the husband and wife submitting to each other, that isn’t an issue for me so I didn’t worry anymore about that bit.

    The second part is a command for husbands to love their wives. That drove me to look up love in the commentaries… how exactly is my husband supposed to love me? What does love look like? What should I expect? Because maybe I’m expecting too much. And of course, I ended up at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which was further broken down into an explanation of what each command meant. Well, as I was reading it I was mentally checking my list and thinking ‘nope, he doesn’t do that, or that, and see that’s another problem’… and then I heard God say to me, ‘do not judge lest you also be judged’, and that stopped me short. I realised I had begun seeking ammunition to aim at my husband, instead of seeking to grow in my own understanding of God’s word… I had to stop and ask for forgiveness before I could go on.

    Then I read the last bit, “33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” It is a summing up of this section, reminding the husband to love his wife, then providing the requirements of the wife, to RESPECT her husband. There it is! That’s what I must do! Why didn’t I see this before??

    What I learned in reading the various commentaries is that a husband NEEDS respect and a wife NEEDS love. This is true in my marriage. We seem to always be in an endless cycle of pain where I don’t feel love from my husband so I lash out which in turns hurts him and causes him to retreat emotionally and refrain from giving love, and on and on it goes. I believe verse 33 is God commanding me to stop the cycle of pain, and to give my husband respect, and treat him with respect, regardless of what I feel or whether or not he responds with love. So how do I do that? What is respect?

    I found two really good sites that provide answers, (I like ‘to do’ lists):

    http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/living-ephesians-5-wives-respect-your-husband-1384728.html

    http://powertochange.com/experience/sex-love/respect/

    My husband is away right now and The Lord has given me this time to prepare my heart and mind to have the right attitude for when he comes home. I’ve ordered the book that’s listed in the first website and my plan is to devour it and come up with a strategy to wholeheartedly respect my husband and heal my marriage.

    I should apologize for the length of this posting, but I can’t. I don’t know if you can sense a change in my spirit from when I first posted, and also a in a ‘reply’ I wrote earlier, but there is a big change. The Lord has been working in me and I am filled with hope, and so I just had to share my story!

    My only request is for endurance in my attitude, as Paul says in Hebrews, “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…” (Heb 12:1) That which hinders and easily entangles me is the record of wrongs that I keep tucked away. I need to remember Paul’s words to the Corinthians when he said, “… take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2Cor 10:5) I must control my thoughts and throw away the record. My race at the moment is to RESPECT my husband.

    Thanks for letting me share 🙂

  250. Eloisa says:

    You help me to have hope but I hope I could just do the same. 🙁

  251. Nancy says:

    Thank you so much! My one word would be “trust”. I really want to fully trust God and really let go of the constant striving and hoping in each area of my life. I need to trust my husband and respect his opinions and give him the support he needs to be the leader of our family.

  252. Contentment

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